Bait and Switch Charm School in the Back Room at McAlpin’s

Photo by John Noonan on Unsplash

As a kid, I was what you might call a lazy tomboy. I didn’t own a dress, I had short hair, and I would rather read than do just about anything.

I liked girly things, though — especially the fashions and the makeup and the hairstyles. I just figured they weren’t for me. My mom cut my hair, so the hairstyles were out. I was the fat kid, and I went to a Catholic school where we had a uniform, so the fashions were out. And I only got to play with makeup when I found my mom’s ancient blue eyeshadows way in the back of the bathroom drawer. (I loved how I looked with that blue eyeshadow on.)

The day my mom asked me if I wanted to go to “charm school” with my friend Ida, I didn’t know what to think. It was fine to play with the eyeshadow and dream about the fashions, but would I have to learn how to sit pretty and eat with the right fork? I think that’s what my mom thought would happen.

I agreed because my friend Ida was going, and because it meant we got to go to the mall every Saturday for eight weeks. the classes were at the McAlpin’s store, in a secret room down the back hall past the restrooms. We sat in this dingy room on mismatched chairs with about ten other 13-year-old girls for our “charm school.”